Bruin Bookshelf Spotlight: Alumna Erinn Keala ’11
“I Promise to Be Better” by Erinn Keala ’11
By Jacqueline Jacobo | August 6, 2024
Many people journal to relieve stress or things they can’t say. Erinn Keala, a 2011 graduate in sociology, took her journals and her ambitions one step further, and wrote a full-fledged novel, “I Promise to Be Better.” Published in May 2024 and inspired by real-life events, the book traces a complex story of love, abuse and self-discovery.
We were able to speak with Keala — a dog mom, fitness enthusiast and Hawaii resident — about the challenges and rewards of writing so vulnerably and honestly.
What inspired you to write “I Promise to Be Better”?
This book is based on true events from the toxic relationship which took hold of my life from my teenage years into my early 20s. Many years after that relationship ended, I learned I was struggling with PTSD from burying my trauma instead of addressing it. My therapist encouraged me to journal, and I found writing to be incredibly cathartic. Years of spilling raw and vulnerable emotions into words are what formed the backbone of “I Promise to Be Better.” This book is written from the depths of my worst memories in an effort to bring healing to myself and others.
How did your choice to use elements of both fiction and nonfiction impact your creative process?
Retelling my story as fiction allowed me the creative freedom to blend secondary characters, combine events, omit events entirely, alter the timeline for the best narrative and fill in dialogue I can’t accurately recall so many years later. For example, the Gina character is inspired by a blend of several of my closest friends, and Nikki by a blend of several others. The book covers a seven-year timespan, so I carefully selected a handful of events that represent many others. Altering a certain event toward the end allowed me to write a better ending for Emily. Readers have asked how much of the book is truth versus fiction; every bit of this book is based in truth, but for legal reasons and for my own privacy, I don’t expand further than that.
Were there any books you took inspiration from while writing yours?
“It Ends with Us” by Colleen Hoover deeply impacted me because it was the first book I read that made me feel seen in this regard. That book does an excellent job showing how confusing it is to navigate loving a person who is hurting you, and why women don’t just immediately leave. As I wrote my book, I hoped to convey those complexities. Loving an abuser is complicated, isolating and horrible, and it takes a great deal of courage to leave.
How did your time at UCLA influence your decision to begin writing?
UCLA instilled upon me high standards for myself and what I produce. Mediocre writing is not accepted there, and my professors and TAs were never afraid to call me out for what wasn’t my best work. Since my time at UCLA, I’ve applied those standards to every job I’ve held, including my side hobby writing and publishing this novel. I feel proud to be a Bruin, and although my time at UCLA was tumultuous — read the book to understand why! — I still consider it some of the best years of my life thus far.
How did you navigate the process of writing and publishing a book as a first-time author?
YouTube, Reddit, Threads and blogs. There is an abundance of free resources out there to help with the process of self-publishing, but it can be quite overwhelming! I’d like to shout out Mandi Lynn, founder of Stone Ridge Books, on YouTube — her videos are a wealth of information for self-published authors, and she explains things very clearly.
What has been the most rewarding part of publishing “I Promise to Be Better”?
Aside from praise the book has received publicly and privately, it has opened deeply meaningful conversations with other women who endured similar relationships. Someone told me this book healed parts of her she didn’t even know needed healing. Another told me the story gave her closure in knowing none of it was her fault. There is nothing more impactful than knowing that sharing this story has helped others heal — I take that very seriously to heart.
On your website, you mention that you’re also passionate about traveling, nutrition and your dog. How did these aspects of your life influence your writing?
Readers will pick up on my love for travel in the book, and I’m happy to say that my wanderlust has only grown with time! More than 30 countries later, I’m still completely enamored by visiting new places and experiencing different cultures. I believe traveling and living abroad has opened me up to a deeper understanding of the world, constantly learning different viewpoints and perspectives, while simultaneously helping me find and become the truest version of myself. And the best part is, I found a life partner who shares my love for travel equally!
Readers will also witness the bond I shared with my soulmate dog Sam (shoutout to Dino for being there throughout that time as well). Above all else in life, I am a dog mom. I’m childfree by choice and my dogs mean everything to me. Unfortunately, I lost Sam tragically at the end of 2023 after more than 12 wonderful years together. This grief shook me to my core with a pain greater than anything before it. I’m not sure many people understand the impact of losing the companion who kept me alive during the hardest moments of my life. My book was written, but not yet published, when Sam passed. Publishing this novel and eternalizing the loving bond we shared has made every mention of “Sadie” a thousand times more meaningful to me.
Is there anything about the book that you’d like readers to know that they cannot learn through reading it?
For anyone who loves the character Gina, I’d like to mention that her spunky personality is based off of my best friend Gabi’s, who passed away due to breast cancer in 2019. She was the greatest, most loyal and honest friend a person could ask for. It is important for me to keep her name and memory alive. Please know you honor her whenever you enjoy a moment with Gina.
Ultimately, what does this book personally mean to you?
This book means that the weight of my trauma is no longer mine alone to carry. To truly heal is an ongoing journey, but I’ve never felt closer to being my whole self. In the wise words of my favorite artist Taylor Swift, “our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.” My story will always be a part of me, but now it’s Emily’s story, and every other woman’s story who can relate. The burden is no longer mine to carry silently. And on a bigger scale, this book means breaking the silence and ending the stigma. Domestic violence is common, yet rarely discussed openly. The voices of those of us who have experienced it deserve to be heard and believed. I hope readers who were in similar situations find validation in knowing they are not alone, nor at fault. This book may be deeply triggering for those who experienced similar abuse, but I hope it is also empowering to see the main character find her strength. It is never too late to start a better life. Healthy, wonderful, safe love exists, and you are deserving of it.
Learn more about Erinn Keala on her website.
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